Fart jokes

Blame The Dog

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.

He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure.

Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."

The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."

Doctor's office

A woman goes into the doctor's office and says, 'Doctor, you have to help me...I've got this problem: You see I can't stop farting. I fart all the time, only they are silent and don't stink. As a matter of fact, I've farted 20 times just now while talking to you'. The doctor fills out a prescription and tells the lady: 'here, take these and come back in a week'. So she leaves and a week later comes back to the doctors office. 'Doctor, doctor you must help me! Now things are worse. I'm still farting all the time, they are still silent but now they smell something awful. You must do something! What were those pills you gave me?' The doctor replied, 'Oh don't worry, those pills where just to fix your sinus condition, now we'll work on your hearing problem'.