Indian jokes 1

1) A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says:
Saala pura body headache maar raha hai

2) A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho ticket dena,
the person at the window tells him that there is a house full, so this Bihari
says koi baat nahin do house full de do.

3) A Bihari went to New Delhi for the first time in his life. He went there
during the time of Asiad and was zapped to see all these new stadiums, newly
constructed roads, flyovers etc etc. The poor fellow hadn't seen all this ever
before. So when he came back to Aligarh people asked him as to how did he like
Delhi, he was too excited and said : yaar delhi to buhat top ka laga, pura
delhi chamak chamak raha tha, sab kuch jagmaga raha tha, sab shine maar raha
tha lekin yaar ek cheez hum understand nahin kar paye, yeh itta barka barka
speed breaker kahe ko bana diya hai (he couldn't figure out what is a flyover).

4) A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills: Bhai ek Will
dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is no brand by
the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one
Will, so the person told him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I won't
sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad and said "Hum ek hi to maang rahen
hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain".

1) This incident happened when we were in college. Two Biharis talking
to each other,
" Aaj Mother teresa a rahen hai Kennedy Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge
na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn't know who
is Mother Teresa and replied back, " nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis
film nahin dekhte hain.

2) There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when the T.T.E
asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the T.T.E
asked him the reason of buying two tickets , this fellow answered well what
will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the T.T.E said what if you lose
both of them, so this guy said then why do I have a monthly pass.

Indian jokes 2

Traveling on Indian Roads is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound, spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable -- and, when you are on the roads, extremely dangerous.

Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based on a Sanskrit text. These 12 rules of the Indian road are published for the first time in English:

• The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.

• ARTICLE II:

  Indian traffic, like Indian society,is structured on a strict caste system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In descending order, give way to:

  
  Cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses, official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, jeeps, ox-carts, private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles (passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.

• ARTICLE III:

  All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim: to slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat. This is the Indian drivers' mantra.

• ARTICLE IV:

  Use of horn (also known as the sonic fender or aural amulet):

  Cars (IV,1,a-c):

  1. Short blasts (urgent) indicate supremacy, IE in clearing dogs, rickshaws and pedestrians from path.
  2. Long blasts (desperate) denote supplication, IE to oncoming truck: "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow down we shall both die". In extreme cases this may be accompanied by flashing of headlights (frantic).
  3. Single blast (casual) means: "I have seen someone out of India's 870 million whom I recognise", "There is a bird in the road (which at this speed could go through my windscreen)" or "I have not blown my horn for several minutes."

  Trucks and buses (IV,2,a):

  All horn signals have the same meaning, viz: "I have an all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tons and have no intention of stopping, even if I could." This signal may be emphasised by the use of headlamps.

  Article IV remains subject to the provision of Order of Precedence in Article II above.

• ARTICLE V:

  All manoeuvres, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until the last possible moment.

• ARTICLE VI:

  In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall wear garlands of marigolds. These should be kept fastened at all times.

• ARTICLE VII:
  1. Rights of way:

  1. Traffic entering a road from the left has priority. So has traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle.

  2. Lane discipline (VII,1):

     All Indian traffic at all times and irrespective of direction of travel shall occupy the centre of the road.

• ARTICLE VIII:

  Roundabouts: India has no roundabouts. Apparent traffic islands in the middle of crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other impression should be ignored.

• ARTICLE IX:

  Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has just overtaken you.

  Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends, at junctions and in the middle of villages/city centres. No more than two inches should be allowed between your vehicle and the one you are passing -- and one inch in the case of bicycles or pedestrians.

• ARTICLE X:

  Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.

• ARTICLE XI:

  Reversing: no longer applicable since no vehicle in India has reverse gear.

Indian jokes 3

This guy was a doctor in his 60s working in a hospital. He would go after every new nurse that came to work in the hospital. One day he found out that a new nurse had started. She was in her 30s and quite beautiful. He began courting her immediately but she would not have anything to do with him. But this doctor was persistent and after about two months was able to convince her to have sex with him.
After they were done, the doctor thought to himself, "If I had known that she was a virgin, I would have taken it easy on her." At the same time, the nurse was thinking, "If I knew that he could stll get it up at his age, I would have at least removed my pantyhose".

Indian jokes 4

one day son asks his father"dad what is the difference between confidence & confidenshal"? his father replied you see"you are my son that is my confidance and your friend raju is also my son that is my confidenshal"

Indian jokes 5

The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.