Movie quotes

Fight Club

Tyler Durden: Fight Club was the beginning, now it's moved out of the basement, it's called Project Mayhem.

Tyler Durden: Now, a question of etiquette - as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?

Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Ace: "If I'm not back in five minutes...just wait longer!"

Melissa: "Hi, I'm Melissa Robinson."
Ace: "Pleasure to meet you."
Melissa: "Did you have any trouble getting in?"
Ace: "No, the guy with the rubber glove was surprisingly gentle."

(Ace Ventura just got his car started)
Ace: "It's ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE!"

AMERICAN PIE

Stifler: I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking USE them!

Jim: I would like to make an announcement. There is a beautiful woman masturbating on my bed.

Jim: You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

Jim: Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin: You want to take this one?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Like warm apple pie.
Jim: Yeah?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Yeah.
Jim: Apple pie, huh?
Chris "Oz" Ostreicher: Uh huh.
Jim: McDonald's or homemade?

Jim's Dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake 5-6 times a day.

Jim: She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

Stifler's Mom: I got some scotch.
Finch: Single malt?
Stifler's Mom: Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

Michelle: And this one time, at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.
Jim: [Choking on his beer.] Excuse me?
Michelle: What, you don't think I know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is... sex-ed! So, are we gonna screw soon? 'Cause I'm getting kinda antsy.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Dr. Evil: Do you like your quasi-futuristic clothes Mr. Powers? I designed them myself.

Austin Powers: Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?

Scott Evil: Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, "Hey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French" or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, "Just back off!" And they're all, "Get out!" And we're like, "Make me!" It was cool.

Vanessa: Mr. Powers, I would never have sex with you, ever! If you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman on earth, and the future of the human race depended on our having sex, simply for procreation, I still would not have sex with you.
Austin Powers: What's your point, Vanessa?